01.07.2003 - 1:30 am
I went over to boi's house yesterday to get what christmas presents he and his kin had gotten for me. They were all still neatly wrapped and I was on the verge of slugging him when he called out, "HEY EVERYBODY, COME WATCH AMANDA OPEN HER GIFTS!!"
That's the one thing I hate about gift opening. I wouldn't mind birthday parties and such so much is people didn't have to stand around just waiting for your reaction to their gift. I would rather do these things in privacy and save myself the gawking.
That evening, as boi took me home, we began discussing when I would be graduating from college. Two more semesters. Then it will be time to start trying to get into graduate school and another four years for my masters.
I felt almost sick saying it all out loud. Four more years of tutition, books and all of that. How in God's name was I going to pay for THAT? Moreover, did I even WANT to go into psychology anymore?
Neither of us have any idea what we want to do with ourselves. That's not an unusual phenomenon though, is it? Most people are like that, floating around with no idea in hell where they are going or why.
Boi's friend Brad seems to have his gameplan set for after he leaves the Marines. There has to be a certain measure of comfort in the fact that you have a good plan, "goals" to reach for and know that yes this is where you are wanting to go with yourself.
I guess, then, if I have to state a plan for my life at exact moment, sitting here in my big wooly PJs with big black slippers on, is to be happy. I would say finding inner peace but that never seems to last overly long. Therefor, I just want to be happy - with myself mainly. I want to feel happy and not feel as if I owe my every waking moment to someone else and that I am a terrible person if I'm not helping out someone I love.
More importantly, I want to find joy in life. I want to have at least one laugh every day.
~Amanda~
